I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
