I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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