do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
