if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just found puke in my bra..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
