i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
