Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As shirtless as possible
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need a beard to bite.
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