Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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