I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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