I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
