Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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