I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
