dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
