hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
