Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
