Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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