Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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