just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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