He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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