end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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