I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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