4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
