let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
