Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish you could order shots online.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
