gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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