Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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