Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
