well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
