Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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