I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
