Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
