i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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