oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
