The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
