i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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