I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
