In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
