he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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