my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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