This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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