I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize