The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
