Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
