Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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