there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize