dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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