just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
