when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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