I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
