He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
