i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
