Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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