I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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