I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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