May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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