gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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