Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
