haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.