We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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