Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
