Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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