To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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