so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
