It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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