Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
