I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
