Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
