trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
